Diary of Ralph Josselin (Private Collection)

19.1.1651 (Sunday 19 January 1651)

document 70005475

Jan: 19. This week the Lord Good to me and mine in our health, my son recovered from his ague(.) my wife this day better than former blessed be my good god. the Lord good especially in giving me a spirit more free from annoyances of Satan, I having been a thoroughfare for many vile unclean, worldly thoughts, oh deliver me for thy goodness sake, I find a heart annoyed with vanity in praying and duty, the lord shall subdue that also: my heart many times quakes in the apprehension of my sinfulness former and present, and the everlastingness of wrath; which the lord sees good to cast into me, Lord you shall be my righteousness and my peace, the lord inclines me to search my heart, and helps me not to cast away my confidence, but my soul closely follows him and he is my peace and sweetness blessed be thy name, neither do I question my condition to godward, though I tremble the Lord was in some measure comfortably with me in the work of the Sabbath I preached twice on Philip. 4. 19

Now I come to review this last year of my days past viz 34: and I find the lord has made good the intimation that he set upon my heart to provide for me for my livelihood: he has in mercy given me an indifferent proportion of means from my people: a large supply from the Committee for plundered Ministers, and also somewhat from the Committee of the County towards my losses by Goring , and the death of my dear Friend Mrs Mary occasioned her to entrust me with her estate, which I question will be no hindrance to me, who also gave my daughter Jane one hundred pounds, and this year also god gave me Earles Colne school(.) the Lord has been good to me in my health, not so much subject to rheums and colds, my navel though sometimes moist, yet not sore, it dries of itself so as I have not dressed it for about 4 months, neither have I been much troubled with my issue in the summer as formerly, nor seen it as yet this winter but in these mercies I have found chastisement, the death of my Dear Mary and Ralph , but they were not mine but the Lords. and Mrs Mary Church all together in the space of 7 days, and yet thus mingled with mercy, in the preserving my two that live, and giving me hopes of another seed by my dear wife , but above all gods presence with me to keep my heart upright with him, sensible of my failings, weakness, learning me to cleave to christ at times of difficulty - speaking peace to my soul although sinful and sometimes perplexed oh who can value this mercy.